Four Strategies For Parents Dealing With the Recruiting Process
Millions of parents and student-athletes navigate the recruiting process journey every year. Some are just starting out while others are deep in the thick of decision-making or narrowing for the final choice.
No matter where you and your child are with the recruiting process, there are going to be triumphs and letdowns, successes and failures, and uncertainties and chaos.
What makes this process so difficult for the parents?
The thing that makes the process difficult is all the unknowns that come with the process. You observe what others are doing and wonder if you and your daughter should be doing the same thing.
You listen to coaches and others tell you what you need to do, and you feel inadequate as a parent. You’re not sure who to trust or who to listen to. Everything is so expensive, and you’re not sure how to come up with all the money it takes to help your daughter become good enough to play college sports.
You feel pulled in 30 different directions because you are uncertain about what you should be doing with one child when you have others who need you as well.
Four Tips for Parents
The recruiting process gives parents headaches because they love their children and want them to be happy and successful. That's a lot.
What can be done?
Comparing Won’t Help
It is so hard not to look at someone else’s process and relate it to your own.
Someone’s child has 5 college offers. Someone else has been to 14 ID or elite camps. Another family visited 10 college campuses in the last year.
And your daughter has nothing... yet. This can feel a little unnerving, and it's human nature to view your own child’s journey through the lens of someone else’s process.
Solution: Understand that no two recruiting processes are the same.
What worked for one family is not a given for another family. Families have different needs and situations. For example, your daughter may be a “late bloomer" whose talent is not recognized until later in high school. Or she may be an “early bloomer’” whose talent was recognized early on but capped out at an earlier age.
Needs and situations change for both student-athletes and colleges. Understanding this will help you keep it all in perspective.
Comparing does nothing but cloud your own child’s progress. Parents and student-athletes must stay focused on what the student-athlete desires out of a college experience so that parents can better help her find that place. If she is not sure what she wants, you can help her find out.
Taking Things Personally Is a Mistake
College coaches may drop your child right in the middle of the process, even when your daughter is leaning toward that college. They may call and say they are moving in a different direction, and some may not call at all.
Coaches approach every student-athlete, every position on the roster, and every year differently. For example, the recruit a coach brought on the team last year filled a role that may not be needed in the current year, so recruiting needs to change.
Solution: Stay focused during the ups and downs.
Try to stay off the rollercoaster of emotions with all its highs and lows. Just remain committed to helping her solve the puzzle of finding college fit.
Exposure Doesn’t Have to Drive
Your daughter’s exposure is important in the process, but it should not drive every single decision made about her process.
Finding a good travel team is important. Attending some exposure events is important. Going to some college camps may be useful, but all of these are expensive and time-consuming. You don’t have to become overwhelmed by all the opportunities and possibilities.
If you chase every single exposure opportunity, you could be adding up the miles and money without taking into consideration what is most important to you and your daughter.
Solution: Have a plan.
If you have a plan and know what your child is looking for, it's easier to make decisions regarding exposure. You can then pick the opportunities that make sense for you and your child instead of sending her to every event, adding her to as many travel rosters as possible, or making sure she attends every college camp possible.
It makes sense to have a plan.
Let Your Daughter Have Control
It can be scary allowing your child to do the work of finding a college for her career academically and athletically. You may have financial concerns or have a strong desire for her to stay close to home or play at a certain level of college.
She might move away. She might not study what you think she should major in. She might go to a big campus when you feel she needs a smaller one. You may fear for her safety at the campus she chooses.
She may not make the right decision, in your mind.
Solution: Trust her.
It's true. She may make mistakes in the process, but the only way for her to have the best possibility and opportunity to find the right fit is to let her have control. Let her invest in herself to do the work, and she will find a college that matches what she is looking for.
By giving up this control, you are allowing her the freedom to try on colleges and see what makes the most sense to her.
If she doesn’t have control, the process is not hers. If there is too much pressure or too many forced actions from parents or others, she will not invest as much time in herself. She'll become distracted, frustrated, or angry, and it will affect the choices she makes.
Demonstrate trust in her and voice your belief that she can do it.
Most importantly, parents can assist in the process of finding college fit. Help her find that place where she feels she can be successful in and away from her sport, as well as in and away from her academics. Who does she want to be, and what does she want to do when college is over? Which college can help her get there? With a laser focus on finding fit, parents and student-athletes are more prepared to make the right choices throughout the recruiting process.
The college experience is more about the people she will meet, the connections she will make, and the education she will receive. It’s more than just the sport she plays.
When done successfully, your daughter will find the place where she not only succeeds in college but also out in the real world when her college career is over.
Let her own it, but help her when she needs you.